Why I Took the Job
My first year as a university student, I actually didn’t work any jobs while studying. Not because I didn’t want to — I really did — but simply because I couldn’t land one. Maybe it was my terrible resume 🥲.
After some trial and error (and many ignored applications), I finally managed to land a job — and it was as a Resident Assistant (RA). For those who don’t know, an RA is a student leader who helps build community within a residence hall. You support your peers, enforce rules, organize events, and serve as a resource for students who need guidance or support.
I took the job hoping to develop some of my weaker skills: people skills, public speaking, conflict resolution, and just getting better at engaging with others. 📉 What it said on paper? Pretty straightforward. But in reality? A whole different story. The learning curve was steep. There’s a lot of unspoken knowledge — things you only learn once you’re in the role.
Before you read on, here’s one thing that surprised me the most: how much leadership happens from behind. Not by taking the spotlight, but by listening with empathy, taking responsibility, and showing up consistently, which is a very different style of leadership than what we see in sports teams or a corporate work environment.
Leadership Lessons I Never Expected to Learn
✅ Leading Without Authority
One golden rule I quickly learned: you’re not their boss. You’re their neighbor. But you’re still expected to lead. That means learning to influence — not control.
People follow what they see, not what you say. So leading by example became everything. If I handled the rules with grace, they often followed suit. If I treated them with respect, they’d usually return the same. You’re quietly setting the tone for the entire floor.
✅ Decision-Making Under Pressure
Things pop up out of nowhere: a roommate argument, someone crying in the hallway, a noise complaint that escalates fast.
You have to stay calm, assess what’s happening, and act — all while still being approachable and empathetic. Not easy at all.
What helped me was understanding that every situation doesn’t need the same response. For example, if someone ignored a noise warning for the third time, I could call campus security and escalate the issue, but I could also sit down and have a real conversation, where I hear them out, and maybe they’re dealing with something causing this behaviour. Sometimes what they needed wasn’t punishment, but someone to just understand where they were coming from.
And this isn’t something you’re naturally good at — it’s something you grow into. But it’s never too late to start preparing for it.
✅ Accountability and Visibility
Being an RA is technically a 24/7 responsibility. You’re always “on.” Whether you’re walking to class, grabbing lunch, or studying in the common room — residents see you. You might even share classes with them.
That visibility changes how you carry yourself. Personally, I’ve always leaned more toward being a quiet role model. I let residents do their thing, helped when needed, and tried to be a chill, non-intrusive support figure. Others took on a more performative leadership style — visible, loud, always organizing something.
Both approaches work — but either way, you’re responsible not just for physical safety, but also for mental well-being. If something goes wrong, you might not be blamed… but you might carry the guilt. So I always tried to keep a mental note: check in, be available, and show up — even if no one notices.
The People Skills You Can’t Learn in Class
💬 Listening Without Jumping to Fix
You’ll have residents open up to you about everything — stress from exams, relationship drama, homesickness.
But here’s the trick: not everything needs fixing. A lot of the time, they just want to feel heard. They want to let it out. So I learned to listen — really listen — without jumping in with solutions.
What helped even more was learning to ask better questions. I could write a whole other post about the importance of asking better questions. “What do you need from me right now?” or “Do you just want to talk, or want advice?” — these little questions created deeper conversations and built trust that lasted long after the issue passed.
🤝 Conflict Management Between Residents
Roommate conflicts are almost guaranteed — from cleaning duties to music volume to just clashing personalities.
When those situations happened, I’d first talk to each person one-on-one. That helped get honest perspectives. Then I’d try to mediate a shared conversation if they were open to it.
The hardest part? Staying neutral. Even if one side made more “sense,” I had to validate everyone and focus on the outcome — not picking sides.
Sometimes we resolved it. Sometimes it had to be escalated. But every time, I grew better at staying calm in tense moments.
🌍 Cultural & Emotional Sensitivity
You live with people from all over the world — different religions, languages, customs, and emotional needs.
So it’s crucial to understand each person at a base level. Some people appreciate check-ins. Some prefer space. Some won’t ever reach out on their own, so it’s on you to notice the signs of burnout or distress.
There were times I’d see someone acting off for days. I’d just sit with them in the lounge and start a casual chat, and suddenly they’d open up. You learn to spot things others miss.
💡 Communicating with Empathy but Clarity
Rule enforcement was never fun. Ras will have to enforce rules without coming across as rude or authoritative. I always told residents, “I don’t make the rules — I just enforce them. But I’m always here to talk about how to make things easier.”
That approach made a huge difference.
As an RA, you have to be approachable; however, you still need to set some boundaries You’re not just an RA — you’re a student first. Some residents will overshare, overstep, or take too much of your time. Learning to say “no” with kindness is a skill I didn’t expect to need, but I’m glad I learned it.
The Hardest Moments I Grew From
💥 Emergencies and Crises
There was one night a resident went missing. We found them eventually, but in those moments, the adrenaline is real. Fire alarms at 3 AM. Someone crying uncontrollably in the hallway. You don’t panic — you act. You follow protocol. The ability to handle that adrenaline or panic is absolutely crucial.
These moments teach you more about leadership than any workshop ever could.
🥶 Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is real, and it will hit some people harder than others. There were days I thought, “Why did they even pick me?” or “Am I actually helping anyone?”
But the truth is, everyone feels that way at some point, especially in leadership roles. What matters is that you keep showing up. You reflect. You improve.
I like to remind myself that no one is perfect, and we’re all learning, even if we’re in a job where we are looked up to as the “professional” or “expert”.
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being present.
😓 Burnout and Emotional Fatigue
Balancing RA duties with classes, part-time jobs, and a social life? It’s a lot.
There were weeks I felt like I had no time to just be. What helped was recognizing when to step back. Journaling, hanging with friends, talking to fellow RAs — even a short walk sometimes made a big difference. Remember, your life and well-being are more important than fulfilling your RA responsibilities or even your schoolwork
Asking for help is not weakness. It’s wisdom.
How It Changed Me Long-Term
🧠 Professional Skills That Transferred
Time management, public speaking, staying calm under pressure — these skills changed me.
Whether it’s preparing for interviews, handling work stress, or leading future teams, this role gave me a head start I didn’t expect.
💬 Improved Emotional Intelligence
It doesn’t go without saying that my emotional intelligence has bolstered. I became more aware of myself and others. I now catch myself reading the room better, understanding unspoken emotions, and connecting on a deeper level — even in casual settings.
That ability? Invaluable. In both career and life.
🛠️ Realizing Leadership is Service
A lot of us might have this misguided perception of what leadership looks like. We often think leadership means being in charge. But RA life taught me the opposite.
Leadership is about showing up. Serving others. Listening more than speaking. Helping people succeed, even if no one sees you doing it.
That’s real leadership.
Final Thoughts: Should You Become an RA?
A lot of students become RAs for the free housing. (No shame — that was part of the appeal for me too.)
But if that’s all you’re in it for, you’ll burn out fast.
This role tests you — mentally, emotionally, socially. But it also teaches you, molds you, and grows you in ways few other jobs can.
If you’re ready to lead, learn, and grow fast — it’s one of the most rewarding experiences you can have in university.
PS – Have you ever considered becoming an RA? Or have leadership lessons from your own life?
Let’s talk — shoot me a message or email. I’d love to hear your story.